Self Esteem or Other Esteem?

Mel Schwartz, L.C.S.W. M.Phil. writes:

I have come to believe that the way the term self-esteem is used is actually a misnomer. The first half of the expression, self, would seem to indicate that esteem, the second half of the expression, is derived from one’s self. Yet if we look closer, we find that most people seek a sense of worthiness from that which lies outside of them. For a student, it might come from good grades; for a businessperson or worker, it’s derived from a promotion or a raise; and for most individuals, praise or acknowledgement provide a temporary increase in esteem. Our society generates billions of dollars in revenues from inducing people to seek the quick fix of vanity as a means toward feeling better. Yet none of these actually contributes one iota to self-esteem. Ironically, they may even get in the way. 

Continue reading: Self Esteem or Other Esteem? | Psychology Today.

Does Self-Esteem Function as an Emotional Immune System?

Interesting perspective from Dr. Guy Winch:

People usually wish they had higher self-esteem because they want to feel more confident and assured. But having higher self-esteem can do much more for us than simply boost our confidence. A variety of studies have begun to demonstrate that self-esteem can endow us with a layer of emotional resilience when we encounter common psychological injuries such as rejection and failure, as well as insulate us from stress and anxiety. The picture these studies are painting implies that in many ways our self-esteem functions very much like an emotional immune system.

Self-Esteem as an Emotional Immune System

Although experts are still debating what self-esteem actually is (defining such constructs is always tricky in psychology research), we do know quite a bit about what it does. In terms of its general behavior, our self-esteem fluctuates from day to day and sometimes, from hour to hour—much as our physical immune system does. When we’re having a ‘good self-esteem day’, we not only feel different about ourselves but we respond differently to stresses from our environment.

Source: Does Self-Esteem Function as an Emotional Immune System? | Psychology Today

Go to the source to get the rest of his thinking on the topic, especially his thoughts on How to Boost Self-Esteem and Enhance Your Emotional Immune System

Why Self-Compassion Trumps Self-Esteem

Have you tried to pump up your self-esteem? Kristen Neff explains why it doesn’t work in the long run:

In this incredibly competitive society of ours, how many of us truly feel good about ourselves?

I remember once, as a freshman in college, after spending hours getting ready for a big party, I complained to my boyfriend that my hair, makeup, and outfit were woefully inadequate. He tried to reassure me by saying, “Don’t worry, you look fine.”

“Fine? Oh great, I always wanted to look fine . . .” Continue reading

10 Things to Remind Yourself on a Daily Basis

Madison Sonnier writes:

Bad days can be extremely overpowering sometimes. When we’re having a bad day, everything feels wrong and the day seems to get even worse as we sink further into frustration and despair. By the end of the day, all we want to do is pull the covers up over our heads and block it all out.

When I clawed my way out of a depressive phase last year, it was a daily challenge to keep myself from falling back into that phase again. I had to go through a process of re-building my self-esteem and re-evaluating my life. But there were days when I was not very successful with these things and the negative thoughts that stayed with me for so long would interfere again. Continue reading

Wholeheartedness for 3/5/2013

  1. Taming the Tiger Within « Emotional Sobriety: Friends & Lovers
  2. On why being spiritual doesn’t mean giving up who you are, via @jackiedumaine: “Spirituality and Stilettos”
  3. A dating website for people no one else can live with.
  4. 10 Little Things to Do With Mindful Awareness: via HuffPost
  5. When Different Parts of You Want Different Things | Tiny Buddha
  6. 38 Things You Didn’t Know About Sex, Love, and Relationships | Greatist
  7. RT @steven_oriordan: Be mindful of your self-talk, it is a conversation with the Universe! #Universe #Selftalk #Quote
  8. ““Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes…”
  9. ““When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place.”  – C.S. Lewis”


Neff, Kristin_400Kristin Neff writes:

So what’s the answer? To stop judging and evaluating ourselves altogether. To stop trying to label ourselves as “good” or “bad” and simply accept ourselves with an open heart. To treat ourselves with the same kindness, caring, and compassion we would show to a good friend, or even a stranger for that matter. Sadly, however, there’s almost no one whom we treat as badly as ourselves.

Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind (Kindle Locations 105-108). William Morrow. Kindle Edition.

Continue reading

Technology and mindfulness…

  1. :-D
  2. The Pope is hardly the first person to lose interest in their real job so soon after joining Twitter.
  3. Some thoughts on the Wisdom 2.0 conference last weekend. So much appreciation for Soren and his team for putting…
  4. WISDOM 2.0 will guide our interactions toward greater meaning, productivity, and wellbeing via @SFGate
  5. Wisdom 2.0′s Compassionate, Chaos-Reducing Brand Of Leadership
  6. ⊱⊋↝Leadership↜⊊⊰ The Art of Conscious Leadership – from Wisdom 2.0 2013 via @karin_sebelin
  7. ⊱⊋↝Leadership↜⊊⊰ The Art of Conscious Leadership – from Wisdom 2.0 2013 via @karin_sebelin
  8. For business leaders out there, Wisdom 2.0 provides out-of-the-box practical thinking – you can get more videos by downloading the HBR…
  9. Arianna Huffington At Wisdom 2.0 (VIDEO) via @HealthyLiving Deeper wisdom comes from the school of hard knocks.
  10. Arianna Huffington At Wisdom 2.0 (VIDEO) via @HealthyLiving What wisdom do you really get from inexperienced lives?
  11. Arianna Huffington At Wisdom 2.0 (VIDEO) via @HealthyLiving Wisdom from college students, docs, lawyers and business
  12. Watch Wisdom 2.0 2013 on @livestream:… There’s a conference on wisdom! How come nobody told me. I’m totally there!
  13. @Padmasree Padma watching your Wisdom 2.0 presentation on HBR! Totally inspiring. I am showing this to my team to spread the wisdom.
  14. Some thoughts on the Wisdom 2.0 conference last weekend. So much appreciation for Soren and his team for putting…
  15. The Shift: Exploring Your Life Purpose with Wisdom 2.0 Founder Soren Gordhamer. #Wisdom2conf
  16. Like—》RT @AlliPolin: >Mindful curiosity can take you on new paths of understanding & discovery via @ThinDifference
  17. Food for thought: Wisdom 2.0. @harvardbiz: How to Be Mindful in an ‘Unmanageable’ World
  18. Great post by Jack Kornfield. His interview with Bill Ford was one of my favorite ones. Enjoy another perspective of Wisdom 2.0, from the driver’s seat!
  19. “Without a connection to our inner world, to our own thoughts and body, the creative mind becomes inaccessible amid the mass of other content we digest.” Soren Gordhamer – Wisdom 2.0…

  20. Yoga e maestri zen contro lo stress digitale. L’intossicazione tecnologica crea disagio? Ecco Wisdom 2.0 —>…
    L’intossicazione tecnologica crea disagio? Ecco Wisdom 2.0
    L’intossicazione tecnologica crea disagio? Ecco Wisdom 2.0
  23. Check out the music of Abraham, at We were both at the Wisdom 2.0 summit this past weekend. I just love that the Bay Area is at the center of such cool stuff like mindfulness technology.
  24. The conference I helped to host this weekend, Wisdom 2.0 is written up in this great summary by Arianna Huffington. She recognizes the energy and unique spirit of this event and the amazing people who pour their time into creating this space to process the collective spirit from technology to mindfulness in daily life.

    We sat down with Congressman Tim Ryan this weekend to chart out collaborations for a new foundation focused on creating environments throughout our daily lives that support taking a deep breath, listening, processing deeply with each other and sharing our best selves in the collective conversation.

    I am so happy to share a glimpse here and host these conversations with you in future gatherings. The happiest place on earth.

  25. Arianna Huffington agrees with me – the Wisdom 2.0 Conference was really, really special.
  26. When I’m listening to the signals my body gives, I do very strange things. Like take Caltrain down to Mtn. View for the Hacker Dojo, stay for 15 minutes and go right back to San Francisco. I can make up a reason (too tired, day too full, energetic mismatch) but I don’t need to know. My inner compass is screaming “go back, sleep early, wake up at 5am and have a productive day.”
  27. Many of you have asked me what Wisdom 2.0 was like. In this post, Tony Schwartz shares some of his insights from the 2013 conference …
  28. Wisdom 2.0 2013 Session Proposal – Holacracy: Building a More Conscious Organization
  29. From Suffering to Seeking to Achieving: What Consciousness Can DO! – Wisdom 2.0 – 2013 Conference