Our aim should be to not seek and chase for Love, but to BE IT. This means self-love first. True Love isn’t setting HUGE expectations on someone else that they always make you happy and fulfilled.
True Love is being so full of self-love and the Love of The Uni-verse that you have more than enough Love to hold your own darkness and light and the darkness and light of the other people. True Love is radical acceptance of yourself and the person you are in a relationship with.
Looking for someone to complete you is to deny your innate potential to be an already full and integrated being. You are giving someone else a power that only you have.
Shelly Bullard writes:
Sometimes we fail to support our partners in becoming the best versions of the of themselves because we’re scared of what that means for us. What if he wants something I don’t want? What if her desire takes her away from me?
We fear if he learns to fly, he might fly away. So we hold our partners back, sometimes without even knowing it. This strategy always backfires – it ends up holding our relationships back, as well.
But there’s a way to feel safe enough to support your partner to fly, and why doing so will take your relationship to new heights of love.
Get the rest of the article here: How To Be A Supportive Partner (And What You Gain As A Result)
I love Shelly’s writing — always powerful and prescient! You can find more of her stuff here…
- Top 7 signs your love relationship is struggling (insideawarenessblog.wordpress.com)
- Create The Relationship You Deserve (howdidwegettohere.wordpress.com)
- Healing Broken Trust in Your Relationship (peopleliferelationship.wordpress.com)
- Fixing a Broken Relationship (thesbworld.wordpress.com)
You are perfect, only you don’t know it.
Learn to know yourself and you will discover wonders.
All you need is already within you, only you must approach yourself with reverence and love.
Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.
Your constant flight from pain and search for pleasure is a sign of the love you bear for yourself;
all I plead with you is this: make love of yourself perfect.
Deny yourself nothing – give yourself infinity and eternity and discover that
you do not need them; you are beyond.
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
Beth Lapides writes:
These are the instructions for love that I have been given. Love yourself. Love something bigger than yourself. Love something smaller than yourself. Love something the same size as yourself. Love as a verb, not a noun. Not a thing, an action. Love whoever comes into your path and seek out those for whom your love is abiding.
Love without resentment something you both love and resent. Love without anger someone you both love and are angry with. Love your anger and resentment if this is not possible.
Love what might be without knowing what it is. For today think of possibility, not uncertainty. Love the absence of trouble in whatever areas your life is trouble-free. Love your troubles, as they are agents of change.
Love the part of you that you love easily with the part of you that you love less so. Love a part of you that is hard to love with a part of you that you love easily. Continue reading
“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi
Shelly Bullard writes:
What masks are you wearing? What I mean by this is, what are the ways you’re hiding from the world? How do you veer away from your authentic self? How do you change or alter yourself in relationships? The answers to these questions can be very telling as to why you aren’t feeling happy, complete, or fully embodied in your life.
Your mask has a lot of different names: the “false self,” the “conditioned self,” the “learned self,” the “ego.” Basically what it is is the version of you that is not authentic. We all have this version of ourselves (and some of us have many versions, one for every occasion). The fact that you have a false self is nothing to feel ashamed of. It is, however, a part of yourself that you might want to get to know; especially because happiness comes from learning how to take your mask off.
Here’s a short history of where your false self came from. We all received messages (overtly or covertly) when we were young about how to be in the world: “you should or shouldn’t be, act, feel, think” a certain way. Naturally we internalized these messages to mean that we needed to be different than who we really are to be accepted. Hence the birth of the false self (good girls, bad boys, etc etc).
Unfortunately many of us have never taken those masks off–we are still walking around as an altered version of our real selves. This causes us to feel like something is “off;” either our relationships don’t feel fulfilling or we feel a little fraudulent or incomplete. If you feel “off” in a general way it’s a good indication that your false self has taken over. It’s time to take back the reins.
One of the most common places for a false self to appear is in romantic relationships. Why? Because romance makes us vulnerable, vulnerability makes us scared, and when we are scared we want to put our masks on! We do this for two reasons: #1 we think that altering ourselves is a way to get people to approve of us (like when we were young) and #2 we believe that hiding behind a mask keeps us safe. Neither are actually true. Really all your mask does is make you feel distant from others. It is a protective measure that backfires in a big way; rather than helping you, it just keeps your authentic greatness hidden from the world.
Your mask is not the real you! The real you is behind all that altering and changing. The real you is your essence, your authentic self, your SOUL. Your Soul may be hidden behind a bunch of stuff, behind the masks, but it’s there. And it’s waiting for you to make contact. Ask yourself these questions to realign with your true self:
- Who am I really? (really, really)
- What do I stand for?
- What is my purpose?
- What is my message?
- What am I here to do? (like, on this planet type-of here!)
- What is important to me?
- What is my gift? What do I want to create?
- What inspires me?
- What do I really love?
Now live your life according to your answers! Is it always easy? No! It’s vulnerable as hell! But it’s worth it. Trust me. The fact is you are going to feel limited in your connections if you are mainly operating with a mask on. Your mask hides you–it keeps you at a distance. So in order to really start living your life, you have to start showing up in a more authentic way.
Let yourself out! Greatness does not come from hiding. You have greatness within you and it’s dying to be set free. So show the world who you are. We’re all waiting to see…
There is something magical that happens when you tell someone you love them just the way they are. In my experience, it gives me freedom from beating myself up over past mistakes and contrary to what you might think, it makes me want to be even better! My life partner, however, thinks that it means that I’ll stop trying so she’ll never say the words “I love you just the way you are”. The answer for me anyway is that I need to love MYSELF for who I am, not for who I will be someday…
I found this over at Psychology Today:
Most people think of an ideal romantic relationship as a union of two inseparable beings forged into one heart, one mind, and one dream. If either partner has a conflicting desire, he or she too often does not express it. They consciously or unconsciously choose to protect the fantasy of perfect compatibility, but may not realize the limitations that are wedded to that decision.
Eventual conflicts are not as noticeable early when relationships are new. The joy of new discovery and lustful connection often eclipse any disagreements that might arise. Newly-in-love partners too often do not want to know anything about each other that could threaten the perfection they cherish. Both may choose to leave well enough alone even if the result is incomplete or inauthentic communication. In the void of unexpressed conflicts, the partners often want to maintain the illusion of a perfect match.
“He finishes my sentences before I even know what I’m going to say.”
“She anticipates what I want before I tell her.”
“We agree on everything. It’s amazing.”
“It’s so easy to be together. We love all the same things.”
Sadly, those constructed realities of perfect compatibility cannot sustain over time. People cannot feel genuinely loved if their partners are not aware of the other’s core feelings and desires. They can only keep renewing their love if they can face their conflicts openly and work through them.
That requires that both partners are willing to follow these six principles:
They are able to say what they need from their partners
They know what they are able to offer
They honestly share those thoughts and feelings
They listen to their partner’s needs without becoming defensive
They have or are willing to learn the skills to negotiate their differences
They respect each other’s conflicting desires
To make these principles work, partners must be clear from the beginning of their relationship to set clear boundaries that they both agree to honor. Boundaries are like the borders between countries. They can be barriers to communication and cooperation, or viable interfaces for exchanging ideas and resources.
When beautifully used in intimate relationships, they are symbolic lines of demarcation that help partners understand their differences while they seek whatever ways are necessary to authentically connect. Only the acceptance of those known similarities and differences can keep partners truly validating their mutual needs.
Healthy boundaries should be fluid and openly susceptible to changes by either partner during any time in their relationship. They hopefully know or are willing to learn what is personally important to them and make every effort to share those thoughts with each other. By working together over time, they learn to quickly recognize when they are in agreement, when they need to negotiate, and when they must turn down a request that could destroy their personal integrity.” Get more here: “Yes” Doesn’t Count if you can’t say “No” – Why Clear Boundaries are Important in Intimate Relationships | Psychology Today.