How to Draw the Line When You Have No Idea Where to Put It

“Have you ever felt at a loss when you needed to draw the line with someone?

Have you put yourself at a disadvantage when you failed to draw the line because you couldn’t think of a way to do it ?

Have you ever felt mistreated when someone drew a line to your disadvantage?

Setting boundaries is one of the most important parts of relationships. It is more important to satisfactory relationships that just about everything else, since without agreeable boundaries, most relationships cannot function well. The expression, “Good fences make good neighbors,” is true.

At the same time we all have had experience with poor boundaries, boundaries that are too loose or too strict, boundaries that are self-serving and boundaries that feel abusive.

So what can we do about this?” Go to the source: Setting Boundaries: How to Draw the Line When You Have No Idea Where to Put It.

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Men’s Top 4 Wishes and Why You Should Grant Them

 

“What do men really want in a relationship and should women be catering to their needs?  The answer is a bit complicated and it appears to differ with age. For those under the age of 40, sex ranked first. For the over 40s cuddling and kissing took the top spot.  Archives of Sexual Behavior. Ever since the Kinsey Institute report this summer regarding relationship fulfillment, I have been curious about men’s wishes.

While it appears that men and women have different desires, in fact many have similar wishes that simply become confused in translation.

One reason for this says Mark Gungor, in his Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage® seminars is that men and women have different brains.  The male brain is compartmentalized, whereas women’s brains are a mass of connected circuits that remember “everything!”

In the world of relationships, we know that women want love, commitment, and romance—but what do men really want? After reading through a manuscript from the Beltway Bachelor—and reminding him that no woman could live up to his 160 page ideal—I asked, “What do men really want?”

He replied, “Let me give it some thought.”” Go to the source: Men’s Top 4 Wishes and Why You Should Grant Them | Psychology Today.

It’s 2:51…

Viana rice milk in a cup

…and I can’t sleep. As I often do when this happens, I heat up a cup of milk and hit Google Reader to see what’s up on my favorite blogs…

Reading David Kanigan’s blog, there’s a post called “Sunday Morning Inspiration from Kewaunee County Wisconsin” featuring the photography of Bill Pevlor. I smile because If it hadn’t been for me, David might not know Bill or have even heard of Kewaunee County, Wisconsin. If it hadn’t been for David, I wouldn’t have heard of Nicholas Bate or Kirsten Barton Cuthriell or Steve Layman. And on it goes…

Sometimes I think my purpose in life is only to curate content from David Kanigan’s blog; a few weeks ago, he introduced me to the thinking of Sherry Turkle on the dangers of substituting technology for human interaction. Yes, there was a message in that post for me but I also think about the real friendships I have made and am making through blogging and social media and how that would not be possible without my slow, overworked cellular modem — that tenuous link that puts a rural Wisconsin farm house on the internet. Thanks to that connection and this blog I have chatted with someone who trekked in Annapurna, a social media chaplain in Indiana, and a 12 step girl from South Africa and I am grateful. And tired. And the warm milk has done its work. Good night…

PS Now you know why I don’t write original content very often!

What Do Your Kids Think About Marriage?

Marriage Day

How do you decide whom to marry?

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”  ‒ Alan, age 10

How can a stranger tell if two people are married? “You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.” – Derrick, age 8

What do you think your mom and dad have in common?  “Both don’t want any more kids.” – Lori, age 8

When is it okay to kiss someone?  “When they’re rich.” – Pam, age 7

How would you make a marriage work?  “Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.” – Ricky, age 10

Classic.  So what do your kids think about your marriage?  If you think you need to do a better job portraying what a marriage should be, the first step is to renew the romance. Start with a getaway.  Have you ever planned a trip for just you and your wife without the kids?  If not, or if you want to do another trip, here are 10 tips for a romantic getaway.

via What Do Your Kids Think About Marriage? | All Pro Dad Blog.

A seven-step prescription for self-love

Some people see the term ‘self love’ and immediately start to squirm, yet the Good Book says we must ‘love our neighbor as ourselves’ implying that self-love is fundamental in healthy relationship. Author Dr. Deborah Khoshaba shares her perspective here…

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.

Here is my Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love. Continue reading

Every behavior and every thought has a consequence

PhotoReading David Kanigan’s blog led me to this gem by Kristin Cuthriell

“When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences.  When you choose the thoughts, you choose the consequences.” –Dr. Phil McGraw

First, look at the consequences and decide.  Is this what I really want?

My dad once told me, “Remember what you know.” Through the years, I have found this to be great advice.  So many times we forget simple truths in life, things that we already know.  Often, I write about these simple truths to not only remind my readers, but to also remind myself of things that we already know and may have forgotten to practice in our lives.

Today I write about choices.

Every choice that we make is followed by a consequence.  Too often, we act impulsively, not taking the time to think through the possible repercussions of our actions.  We do not play the tape through, which means that we do not visualize the backlash of our thoughts and behaviors.  We simply act without thinking it through in its totality.

Whether our choices are impulsive or well thought out, the consequences will be the same. Take the time to play the tape through. The choices we make when emotions are high, we usually come to regret.  Take a moment to think it all the way through.

Source: Every Behavior and Every Thought Has a Consequence | Let Life in Practices

Go to the source if you’d like her list of ‘obvious things we forget’. Click the ‘follow’ button while you’re there!

Here’s How To End Suffering Once And For All

Love On The Rocks...lol

Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love shares this…

I am not saying that painful things in your past didn’t happen, but what I am saying is that they no longer have to be painful. And it’s not as easy as changing your mind once or twice. It takes work, and reps, like in the gym. But if you try and try enough over time, new life and new meaning can emerge.

One of the best ways I know how to do this is to take ourselves out of our own story and step into the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of the person who hurt us. Not so we can make right what they did, but so we can begin to understand the painful event from their point of view.

As I have guided clients through this process, the outcomes have been amazing. Forgiveness on a whole new level of themselves and others. And of VERY traumatic events.

The point of forgiveness is not to make right what happened, but to bring a new sense of empathy and compassion to all involved – this includes you.

The best way to get back at people who have hurt us is to forgive them, because that is how we break the bond over the painful event. And from there, when we step into their shoes of how they must have been thinking and feeling, we begin to understand that their actions were not truly against us, but a request for Love or Significance in a very messed up way; that was the best way that they knew how to at that time.

Source: Here’s How To End Suffering Once And For All!

Go to the source if you’d like the rest of his perspective on the issue…

How To Have A PERFECT Relationship With EVERYONE!

English: A symbol for radical relationships. T...

A little Kute Blackson to start your day…

There are over 6 billion people on the planet. Each with their own unique personalities and expression.

Every person is in your life for a reason whether you see it or not. Each person is here to teach you something and has a gift for your soul’s evolution. Each person reflects some aspect of yourself that needs to be loved, forgiven, embraced or simply accepted.

The more you can accept and love yourself as you are.

The more you can accept and love those around you as they are.

The freer you will be.

Trying to change someone into your ideal version of who you would like them to be only creates suffering for you.

This is not in your control.

Let me repeat: This is NOT in your control.

Source: How To Have A PERFECT Relationship With EVERYONE!

Go to the source if you’d like more of Kute’s post and/or watch the video below…

Healthy Relationships

Icon from Nuvola icon theme for KDE 3.x.

I stumbled upon this this morning…

Communication is a key part to building a healthy relationship. The first step is making sure you both want and expect the same things — being on the same page is very important. The following tips can help you create and maintain a healthy relationship:

  • Speak Up. In a healthy relationship, if something is bothering you, it’s best to talk about it instead of holding it in.
  • Respect Your Partner. Your partner’s wishes and feelings have value. Let your significant other know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships.
  • Compromise. Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it’s important that you find a way to compromise if you disagree on something. Try to solve conflicts in a fair and rational way.
  • Be Supportive. Offer reassurance and encouragement to your partner. Also, let your partner know when you need their support. Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other down.
  • Respect Each Other’s Privacy. Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to share everything and constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space.

Source: Healthy Relationships | www.loveisrespect.org

Go to the source if you’d like to know more…