You are not a victim

Melody-Beattie.pngIt has been a long time since I quoted Melody Beattie:

You are not a victim.

How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Vic­timization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings of victimization.

Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to us!

Got a new car? Yes, we sigh, but it doesn’t run as well as I expected, and after all, it cost so much ….

You’ve got such a nice family! Yes, we sigh, but there are problems. And we’ve had such hard times….

Well, your career certainly is going well! Ah, we sigh, but there is such a price to pay for success. All that extra paperwork….

I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any sit­uation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.

Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life tak­ing our blows.

Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, nega­tivity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind.

We are not victims. We may have been victimized. We may have allowed ourselves to be victimized. We may have sought out, created, or re-created situations that victimized us. But we are not victims.

We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow our­selves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.

We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility. Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!

And learn to enjoy what’s good.

Today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak, or act like a victim. In­stead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what’s good and right in my life.

via June 11 – Meditation from “Language of Letting Go” | Language of Letting Go.

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Owning Our Power

Melody Beattie to the rescue!

Don’t you see? We do not have to be so victimized by life, by people, by situations, by work, by our friends, by our love relationships, by our family, by our feelings, our thoughts, our circumstances, and ourselves.

We are not victims. We do not have to be victims. That is the whole point!

Yes, admitting and accepting powerlessness is important. But that is the first step, an introduction to this business of recovery. Later, comes owning our power. Changing what we can. This is as important as admitting and accepting powerlessness. And there is so much we can change.

We can own our power, wherever we are, wherever we go, whomever we are with. We do not have to stand there with our hands tied, groveling helplessly, submitting to whatever comes along. There are things we can do. We can speak up. Solve the problem. Use the problem to motivate ourselves to do something good for ourselves.

We can make ourselves feel good. We can walk away. We can come back on our terms. We can stand up for ourselves. We can refuse to let others control and manipulate us.

We can do what we need to do to take care of our selves. That is the beauty, the reward, the crown of victory we are given in this process called recovery. It is what it is all about!

If we can’t do anything about the circumstance, we can change our attitude. We can do the work within: courageously face our issues so we are not victimized. We have been given a miraculous key to life.

We are victims no more unless we want to be.

Freedom and joy are ours for the taking, for the feeling, for the hard work we have done.

Today, I will remind myself as often as necessary that I am not a victim, and I do not need to be victimized by whatever comes my way. I will work hard to remove myself as a victim, whether that means setting and enforcing a boundary, walking away, dealing with my feelings, or giving myself what I need. God, help me let go of my need to feel victimized.” via Just For Today Meditations » Blog.

Do You Need A Bad News Detox?

Terri Cole writes:

The onslaught of bad news in the media continues to fester. The climate of fear has reached epic proportions. We are inundated with bad news about our crumbling economy, the rising unemployment rate, executive greed, lack of affordable healthcare, etc. So the question is how can YOU stay positive and productive in a relentlessly negative climate and NOT drink the Armageddon Kool-Aid?

Well, as you may have guessed, I have a few ideas.” Get Terri’s ideas here: Do You Need A Bad News Detox?.

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Is Nonviolent Communication Practical?

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Have you ever heard of Nonviolent Communication? My wife and I have been using it our relationship for almost a year with a great degree of success…

“One of the most common critiques I hear of Nonviolent Communication is that it’s simply not practical. “It would be great if this can work,” the line often goes. “Too bad that in my (school, family, organization) we don’t have the luxury of taking all this time to do all this endless dialogue that it takes to get anywhere. No one would have the patience, anyway.” via Is Nonviolent Communication Practical? | Psychology Today.

Yes, Nonviolent Communication does take time but so does having arguments and recovering from them. Follow the ‘via’ link if you want to know more about Nonviolent Communication…

“The appearance of things change according to the emotions and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.” - Kahlil Gibran

The Unpredictable Freedom and Sweetness of Chaos

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I’m going to share a productivity, planning and organizational hack that will change your life. It will yield some unpredictable results, but if you approach it the right way, it could bring some of the most amazing work of your life, along with freedom, joy, exhilaration.

What’s this miraculous hack?

It’s a simple one: let go. Let go of control and allow yourself to be swept away by the powerful currents of life. Let go of planning and embrace not know what will happen. Let go of productivity and be open to new ideas, new opportunities, spontaneous creativity.

via » The Unpredictable Freedom and Sweetness of Chaos :zenhabits.

Go to the source if you’d like the rest of Leo’s perspective on this. Me? I’m going to have to ponder this a little more…