“The reality is each one of us has caused hurt to other people and each one of us has been hurt by other people. But if we keep running the story of “You hurt me; you’re bad” or “I hurt you; I’m bad” all that happen is a looping that creates separation. What if instead we say the story is that I hurt you and we let that story be there, we don’t put it aside too quickly…
We let it be there and we feel what it feels like in our body. The very presence with that vulnerability awakens compassion. Now the trick — because this is where there can be more suffering is to take the story “I caused you suffering” and to get stuck on the “I’m bad, I’m bad, I’m bad”. We’re wedded to the story and we don’t have access to deeper presence…
So the pathway I am describing to you, and it takes a real sensitivity, is that when stories arise in our mind — to not to quickly go ‘it’s just a story, back to the breath’ because that is just another form of aversion and denial — is to let it be there a bit, but not to believe the story.”
She goes on to say “the story behind some of the more drama stories is really the story of Self. As we open to this presence, we wake up out of that core story that keeps us separate”.
You can hear the whole talk here:
*I tried to transcribe it as best I could; this is NOT an official transcription…
Our aim should be to not seek and chase for Love, but to BE IT. This means self-love first. True Love isn’t setting HUGE expectations on someone else that they always make you happy and fulfilled.
True Love is being so full of self-love and the Love of The Uni-verse that you have more than enough Love to hold your own darkness and light and the darkness and light of the other people. True Love is radical acceptance of yourself and the person you are in a relationship with.
Looking for someone to complete you is to deny your innate potential to be an already full and integrated being. You are giving someone else a power that only you have.
Gemma Stone writes this about our mutual friend Farhana Dhalla:
Sometimes a crisis is a summons to reconfigure our entire lives.
Even though we are resilient creatures, we are still easily hurt. There are times when living hurts. A lot.
There is purpose in pain; often life falls apart exactly when it needs to be rebuilt.
Our stories become burdensome & false.
Our defenses become exhausting & crumble.
When we are no longer able to maintain the stories and defenses that protect us, we can easily dissolve to bits.
When our lives fall apart, it’s the perfect opportunity to build something newer, truer, fuller.
When Farhana’s life crumbled, she used it as a catalyst for transformation. She courageously ventured within herself, found truth, and emerged glowing with love and light.
And that is why I rely on to her to pull me along when I’m dragging my feet and to shine some light when all I see is darkness.
Thank You for Leaving Me is being released today. Farhana’s story is a heartfelt, refreshingly real account of her journey through divorce.
If you’re moving through the end of a relationship, struggling with heartache, or questioning your relationship patterns, I’m confident this book will be helpful. If you’re hesitant, check out this video. If this sounds like the medicine you need, head over here to pick up her book.
Kudos, Farhana! For the book and a life well lived in the face of overwhelming hardship…
There is something magical that happens when you tell someone you love them just the way they are. In my experience, it gives me freedom from beating myself up over past mistakes and contrary to what you might think, it makes me want to be even better! My life partner, however, thinks that it means that I’ll stop trying so she’ll never say the words “I love you just the way you are”. The answer for me anyway is that I need to love MYSELF for who I am, not for who I will be someday…
Jenna Phillips writes:
We LOVE love. We write poems about it. We sing songs about it. We create lines that wrap around the building to watch the latest film about it.
We crave it, want it and search for it on a daily basis. At times, the search for our idealistic love – or soul mate – can be exhausting and disappointing. We go on unfulfilling dates and wonder why our fantasy of meeting our life partner while we both reach for the same apple at farmers’ market hasn’t happened yet. We people-watch and measure up possible contenders for the position of our “other half”. You know – that person who will complete us, make us happy or fulfill our innermost desires.
Jeez! That’s a whole lot of pressure to put on another person, and giving anyone that kind of power takes away from our own. What if you were to realize, in this exact moment, that you are 100% fulfilled? Yes, your other half is already within you. There is no separation of the incredible being that you’ve always been. Your authentic Self is whole and complete.
The truest part about your existence is pure love. You already have it within you, and you’ve had it all along. You don’t need to go find it from someone else to feel or be loved. It’s no one else’s job to make sure you smile. You can smile whenever you want. Smile right now. Do it! See how great that feels? That was actually 100% your choice. I didn’t make you do it. That choice was entirely up to you.
We have the ability, the power and the choice to acknowledge that we are perfect RIGHT NOW. When we accept that we are fulfilled, lovable and powerful – we seem to attract people who, in fact, add to those qualities. When we search for people to bring us up and out of our state of misery, we attract people who reflect exactly that. Instead of searching for love, own it. Instead of talking about it, BE about it. Instead of complaining about it, celebrate it.
Every person we encounter is a perfect reflection of what’s going on within us. Instead of looking for someone, and then trying to mold them into a “perfect something” we want to look at, what about splashing water on our own face? What about combing our own hair and straightening our own shirt? What about choosing to be the best versions of ourselves?
Well, luckily for us, since everyone is our reflection we get to look at LOVE, beauty, awesomeness and fulfillment if we choose to BE all of that. True love starts with YOU. Search no more.” via Your Other Half Is Within You!.
“We learn from Tony Robbins that everyone’s core fear is that they are not enough, and that because they aren’t enough, they won’t get Love. And LOVE is the oxygen of the Soul.
This much we know already.
But then I thought about what made me successful and what made so many people I know successful and what I love about my favorite characters. And there was always something in common.
The imperfect person overcomes. It boils down to that.
So I had an “ah-ha!” on the phone with my client and I blurted out, “We become successful by admitting we are not perfect, rather than trying to be perfect and thinking that we’re not enough.”
And I think this about sums it up.” via OK, I just had a MAJOR AHA moment! Check it out!.
“I align myself with people who support my growth. If you meet someone whose soul is not aligned with yours, send them love and move along.” Dr. Wayne Dyer via Today’s Quotes: Align Yourself with Ppl Who Support You!