Not the best picture of my 'other dad', but it will have to do...

Is This the Last Father’s Day?

Not the best picture of my ‘other dad’, but it will have to do…

The title comes from Randy Taran who writes:

My father is requesting that all family members come by… no, not for a typical family reunion, but for Father’s Day. They say that people sometimes get a sense about things, and I have a feeling that my dad knows the end is near.

I am not complaining. I have had the amazing good fortune of having him around for longer than most. He is 95.5 and pretty darn present.

It has me thinking about the various roles we play in life: child, parent, parent to our inner child, parent becomes child, and child becomes parent’s parent… it’s endless in all the possible permutations.

I recently asked my dad for his five top life lessons, and this seems like a perfect time to share them:

1. Lead your own life. Know who you are and be true to yourself.

2. Be satisfied with what you have. Don’t go looking to other people for validation or compare yourself to others — that goes nowhere.

3. Be very grateful for what you have. Appreciate everything, from nature to relationships to waking up another day. Looking at things with the right perspective allows you to see that what you have is all you need, and more.

4. It’s all about family. That is what is important, that everyone is happy and lives a good life.

5. Love is what matters most. After all the ups and down that life sends our way, after all the careers and hopes and dreams, what stands out and will always remain is love.

This may or may not be his last Father’s Day; he has surprised us before. No matter what, I will always cherish my dad’s life lessons and pass them on to my own children as the cycle continues. Happy Father’s Day to all.

For more by Randy Taran, click hereFor more on happiness, click herevia Randy Taran: Is This the Last Father’s Day?.

I curated this article for multiple reasons; not the least of which is that it makes me think about my father-in-law who is getting on in years. Throughout our marriage, my relationship with my in-laws has been strained for reasons too complicated to go into; only recently, however, I have gained a special appreciation for my father-in-law…

My ‘other Dad‘ is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for almost 50 years. The more I dig into my own ‘emotional sobriety’ and recovery from codependence, the more I appreciate him as a person and his contribution to the world — especially his example as he lives out the 12th step daily. Recently, when my wife was in Italy we connected a couple of times by phone and I had a chance to tell him for the first time that I loved him as a ‘dad’ — and I don’t say that lightly; dad is a title of honor in my life — and that I appreciate his example. There are things around ‘recovery’ that he gets that my first dad will never understand and I appreciate his testimony more with each passing day…

My second dad is now 79 and time is catching up with him. I cherish the help he has given me in my recovery and his lack of judgment toward me. Whether this is the last Father’s Day or the first of many we have in this ‘new’ relationship — God knows there are no guarantees in this life — I’m glad we had a chance to connect in his living years…

Too late for Mother’s Day, but…

My dad sent me this list this morning. Me? I think he’s trying to revise history and preserve his legacy as I remember many of these lessons coming from him:

  1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning.”
  2. My mother taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
  3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
  4. My mother taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”
  5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
  6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
  7. My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
  8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
  9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
  10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
  11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
  12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
  13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..”
  14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. “Stop acting like your father!”
  15. My mother taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
  16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”
  17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”
  18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
  19. My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
  20. My mother taught me HUMOR. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
  21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
  22. My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”
  23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
  24. My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
  25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Only you folks my age understand these profound statements!!!
But, there is one missing from this list. My personal all time favorite!!

My mother taught me about CHOICE. “Do you want me to stop this car?”

Joking aside, my mom taught me a lot about sacrificial love and overcoming your past and I am forever grateful for her persistence. She wasn’t dealt the best hand in life, but she has played it well…

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Happy Mother’s Day

“Without mothers, there might be stars

but no one to wish upon them

No lips to kiss, no hands to hold

No eyes to gaze upon sunsets gold

Without mothers, there might be a moon

but no harvest for which to light

No songs to sing, no voices to raise

No flowers to soak up the sun’s gentle rays

Without mothers, there might be love

but no one to hold it, and it might just slip away”

via Happy Mother’s Day « Positively Positive.

Your Parents Owe You Nothing

Newborn child, seconds after birth. The umbili...

Stop blaming your parents. Give it up. Stop. Let it go.

Now.

Your parents owe you nothing.

They have already given you everything…

Life itself.

When you stop making them responsible for what you feel today, you access your power to really live.

Your parents OWE you nothing today. They gave you the most amazing gift of birth and life. They don’t OWE you respect, apologies, or money. When you can own this you free yourself and are no longer dependent on them for your happiness. Instead of living at the mercy of your past and simply being a reaction to your parents’ actions, you cut the umbilical cord and become free to create a life you choose.

Each moment you hold onto resentment, anger, blame, about the past, you are killing your present. What happened is done and nothing you do, or say now will change what happened. It is done.

Often we refuse to let go, and hold onto the anger at our parents because we feel dignified in doing so. They didn’t give us what we wanted. They weren’t there for us in the way we needed. They abused us, beat us, abandoned us, manipulated us, molested us, or were mean to us.

Yes, you are right. They were not right or justified in what they did.

However: “Do you want to be right or free?”

“Is being right making you happy? Is holding onto being right changing them?”

Each moment you hold onto the resentment, you keep yourself stuck in a prison of victimhood. You are not responsible for what happened to you as a child. It happened. You were young back then.

But now, today, you are responsible for what you choose to do.

via thedailylove.com. You can follow the ‘via’ link if you’d like to read the rest of the article…