Category Archives: Featured

Block Friday

LightThe guys over at the Minimalists have this thought to share:

This Friday is the busiest shopping day of the year: Black Friday. Retailers prepare months in advance for this dark day—preparation that’s meant to stimulate your insatiable desire to consume: Doorbuster sales. New products. Gigantic newspaper ads. TV, radio, print, billboards. Sale, sale, sale! Early bird specials. One day only! Get the best deal. Act now! While supplies last.

The Minimalists would, however, like to shed some light on this darkest of Fridays. It’s important to understand that consumption is an unquenchable thirst. Retailers and advertisers and manufacturers know this too well. And thus, they’ve invented an entire day designed to take advantage of your insatiable desire to consume.

The pernicious aspects of Black Friday are not few. The pandemonium of this day is a synecdoche for our consumer culture as a whole. On this day, people consume gluttonously without regard for the harm they’re inflicting on themselves. On this day, greed becomes ravenous. On this day, people live without real meaning, buying gifts to fill a void that can’t possibly be filled with material possessions.

Sadly, people participate in the rapacious nature of Black Friday in the name of a holiday, as if buying gifts was an ideal way to celebrate Christmas. But thankfully, you have options.

Instead of embracing Black Friday, you can Block Friday. You can refuse to buy material items for people to display your love. Rather, you can showcase your love, caring, and affection through daily actions—every day, not just holidays.

If you want to give gifts, why not gift an experience—a nice meal, tickets to a concert, or a sunset on the beach? After all, the best, most loving gift you can give someone is your time and undivided attention.

Will you join us? Will you opt out of Black Friday? If not, why not?

Source: Dark Friday | The Minimalists

I will opt out! I hate what Christmas has become and the stress that it causes by all the false expectations it creates. Give me Thanksgiving with family, food and gratitude and I’ll see you next year…

:-/

The Grass Is Greener Somewhere Else . . . NOT!

Tony Meindl shares some great insight here:

The grass is greener syndrome.

If you suffer from it, it’s yet another way of postponing your life. Putting the things you desire on the back burner. When we covet another person’s journey, we think if only we had what they had, our life would be more fun. Or more exciting. Or more magical.

Your life already is magical.

We’re just not awake to it, so it feels as if we’re moving around in a monochromatic haze while everyone else seems to be living in Technicolor.

That’s the illusion.

The truth is that your grass is very green. It’s lush and tropical and exotic and fertile and full of possibilities. But it requires you to fully embrace it. All of it. Even the stuff you don’t like, because actually, that’s the stuff that becomes the catalyst for change.

That stuff is your grass’s fertilizer. It’s the essential stuff needed for your growth and expansion. And it holds the potential to unlock the doors you’ve shut to the things you’re seeking:  your joy, your passion, your peace of mind, your self-acceptance.

We can never get to where we’d like to be except by starting in the place we’re currently residing – emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. There’s no escaping you.

Wherever you are, there you are.

We can move to another city, or get another girlfriend or change jobs, but the common denominator in all these experiences is you.

So if you don’t like where you are, then change who you are. But don’t think that being somewhere else, or having a different lover or having a career like someone else is the answer.

The transformation occurs from the inside out. Not the outside in.

Start with your stuff. And watch how green your grass will grow.

Source: The Grass Is Greener Somewhere Else . . . NOT!

I’ve always heard that the grass is greener where you water it! Take care of your own lawn today…

Loving Ourselves Unconditionally

But most of all? You deserve it from YOURSELF! Melody Beattie writes:

Love yourself into health and a good life of your own.

Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment.

Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves the way others treated us, if they be­haved in a less than healthy, desirable way. If we have learned to see ourselves critically, conditionally, and in a diminishing and punishing way, it’s time to stop. Other people treated us that way, but it’s even worse to treat ourselves that way now.

Loving ourselves may seem foreign, even foolish at times. People may accuse us of being selfish. We don’t have to believe them.

People who love themselves are truly able to love others and let others love them. People who love themselves and hold themselves in high esteem are those who give the most, contribute the most, love the most.

How do we love ourselves? By forcing it at first. By faking it if necessary. By “acting as if.” By working as hard at lov­ing and liking ourselves as we have at not liking ourselves.

Explore what it means to love yourself.

Do things for yourself that reflect compassionate, nurtur­ing, self-love.

Embrace and love all of yourself — past, present, and fu­ture. Forgive yourself quickly and as often as necessary. Encourage yourself. Tell yourself good things about yourself.

If we think and believe negative ideas, get them out in the open quickly and honestly, so we can replace those beliefs with better ones.

Pat yourself on the back when necessary. Discipline your­self when necessary. Ask for help, for time; ask for what you need.

Sometimes, give yourself treats. Do not treat yourself like a pack mule, always pushing and driving harder. Learn to be good to yourself. Choose behaviors with preferable consequences — treating yourself well is one.

Learn to stop your pain, even when that means making difficult decisions. Do not unnecessarily deprive yourself. Sometimes, give yourself what you want, just because you want it.

Stop explaining and justifying yourself. When you make mistakes, let them go. We learn, we grow, and we learn some more. And through it all, we love ourselves.

We work at it, then work at it some more. One day we’ll wake up, look in the mirror, and find that loving ourselves has become habitual. We’re now living with a person who gives and receives love, because that person loves him- or herself. Self-love will take hold and become a guiding force in our life.

Today, I will work at loving myself. I will work as hard at loving myself as I have at not liking myself. Help me let go of self-hate and behaviors that reflect not liking myself. Help me replace those with behaviors that reflect self-love. Today, God, help me hold my­self in high self-esteem. Help me know I’m lovable and capable of giving and receiving love.” via June 16: Loving Ourselves Unconditionally.

Are You Making Someone Else Your Higher Power?

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Mastin Kipp writes:

A definition of interdependence is: “a reciprocal relation between interdependent entities.”

The key word here is: “reciprocal”. Interdependence can be thought of as a relationship where each party gives and receives from his or her own internal overflow. This is TOTALLY different than “codependence” which can be thought of as being “addicted to someone”.

Another way to look at it, spiritually, is this:

A codependent person makes someone else his or her Higher Power. An interdependent person knows that The Uni-verse is their Higher Power and keeps their focus on that, while choosing to be in a relationship with someone else who is also looking to The Uni-verse to fulfill them.” Get more here: Are You Making Someone Else Your Higher Power?.

If any of this gives you pause to think, you might want to take a look at Melody Beattie‘s book Codependent No More — it’s full of pratical thoughts, tools and tactics for taking codependency head on. You can download a free sample here. I first became aware of this issue in my life about a year ago but this book, the accompanying workbook and her meditation book “Language of Letting Go” have been helpful to me in overcoming codependency and having better relationships…

What do I do…

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…when I’m not posting here? I run a firm called e1evation, llc in Algoma, WI. Here’s a ‘commercial’ that explains my approach in case you’re interested. Click to continue reading…

Expectations and being ‘right’

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Great Expectations (1998 film)

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the word ‘right’ in my life. In my professional life, I am a thought leader in the internet marketing space. I have strong opinions about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ when it comes to strategy, tactics and tools. I am learning lately that being right or thinking I am right can lead to disastrous consequences…

I have found fertile thinking in this quote from Nietzsche; “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” When I think I am right, I think I HAVE rights and expectations. I think I know, however, that there is only one place disappointment comes from; false expectations…

Ponder this:

“There are/can be many disapointments in life and sometimes they can’t be avoided. Living up to what we expect is a big one. Whether it be in someone else or in ourselves. Our expectations can be “too high” unreasonable or unrealistic. No one is perfect nor can they be in this crazy world.

Sometimes we expect more from a person than they are able to give..at a particular time. Sometimes we expect a person to do more than they are capable of doing, or to be more than they are capable of being. Therefore we are the ones who wind up getting frustrated, angry, hurt, impatient and disapointed. We are the ones effected by our own actions. We are the ones who set ourselves up for disapointments.

Sometimes our approach can be critical, overbearing and destructive. Even when we simply suggest something or give an opinion it does’nt go over well. It can be viewed as an attack on ones charactor even tho that was not the intention. This should never be taken personally because we all have things we are trying to cope with from our past and present situations and we shut down.

Even when we simply try to point something out to someone they can go into the defend mode, protective mode because they are not ready to deal with “the problem” yet. They are still battling with it therefore they are consumed by it and it has power over their well being. Everyone needs to be comfortable in their own skin. Like no body states in one of my comments below..it must be the right message, from the right source, at the right time, by the right person (edified properly) or it will not be received in the way it was intended to be received. Otherwise it can be misinterpreted.

Our expectations, opinions and suggestions can sometimes be veiwed as attacks on self worth and competency. Therefore conflict, separation and alienation occures and the door is shut on communication. Then our relationships are compromised. I watched Charles Stanley‘s program last Sunday and he ministered on how “Words” can have a profound, everlasting effect on us and our well being, our growth and our lives. They can have a tremendous effect and sometimes we say things we later regret.

No one can live up to anyone’s” standards. It’s not that what everyone is doing is right or that we don’t have a big heart in wanting whats best for them, it’s just that our expectations may be overwelming.

A lot of people feel like failures because they can’t live up to the expectations they put on themselves or that others put on them. We can make others feel like failures because of our expections being “To high”> Expecting too much. Too much attention can be put on expectations and not on acheivements/accomplishments.” via Expectations.

Thinking I have rights as a husband leads me to expectations and the expectations lead to disappointment and frustration. Somehow, focusing on being friends with my wife is making a radical difference in my life and happiness has come from leaving ‘right’ behind…

I heard Dr. Phil say “would you rather be happy or right”. I choose happy and as for right? It really doesn’t exist according to Nietszche and only leads to sad for me. What do you think about this?

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Fight Fair!

Fighting-Couple

“A constructive complaint looks like this: You calmly ask him not to leave his things flung around the house, not because he’s a big slob (although that may be so) but because neatness is important to you. You “own” the problem (“I’m just not comfortable when you leave your briefcase and coat on the living room couch”) and appreciate that there are other women in the world who would be happy living with someone who didn’t pick up after himself. You mention the attacks you made earlier, at a time of frustration and you apologize for them.

At a relaxed time, you invite a conversation (“Can we make a rule about where briefcases and coats are kept?”) and figure out how to compromise on your different styles. You appreciate that change occurs slowly, in fits and starts, so you praise him for moves in the right direction. After all, you couldn’t transform yourself into a person comfortable with clutter overnight. You might even conclude that it would be simpler to sweep through the house twice a day and dump all his belongings on his big armchair until he decides what to do with them, if anything.

Constructive criticism asks for a specific behavioral adjustment that honors the other person’s capacity to change. It focuses on actions, not character judgments. The “lightly served” part is especially important if you’re talking to someone who responds poorly to anger or intensity in your voice.

People can say very difficult things if they calmly present the facts with no edge in their voice. And silliness helps enormously, as when my son’s wife threatened to charge him rent if he kept putting his clothes on her desk.” via Fight Fair! | Psychology Today.

Ever heard of ‘non violent communication‘? My wife and I have been using it as a tool for over a year. It’s simple, but it’s not easy — it is, however, effective. In NVC, there are 4 components. When I have an issue I talk about:

  • What I see
  • The story that I tell myself about what I see
  • How it makes me feel [mad, sad, glad, hurt]
  • What I would like to see instead

How your partner responds is their responsibility but if you use this tactic, you will have expressed yourself in a non-violent, non shaming, non blaming way and you might actually get heard. Oh and btw, I’ve found that it works even better if you keep the decibels down…

This one goes out to all the WordPress.com bloggers

…that are using their blogs for content marketing and ‘thought leadership‘ marketing:

Here are some of the big takeaways:

  • Use Windows Live Writer or [MarsEdit if you're a Maccie] to curate good content…
  • Use Zemanta to find related pictures, articles and metadata tags to engage readers…
  • Spend the money to get your own domain and apply it to your site…
  • Use the sharing feature to automatically post your new content to your Facebook profile or page, Twitter, etc.
  • Don’t forget the sharing buttons on every post and page if you want people to disseminate your content…
  • Put Twitter and Facebook widgets in your sidebar if you are using those tools [and you should be!]…
Ooops! Forgot to cover this;


Questions? Feedback? Comment below or connect above…

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