Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the word ‘right’ in my life. In my professional life, I am a thought leader in the internet marketing space. I have strong opinions about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ when it comes to strategy, tactics and tools. I am learning lately that being right or thinking I am right can lead to disastrous consequences…
I have found fertile thinking in this quote from Nietzsche; “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” When I think I am right, I think I HAVE rights and expectations. I think I know, however, that there is only one place disappointment comes from; false expectations…
“There are/can be many disapointments in life and sometimes they can’t be avoided. Living up to what we expect is a big one. Whether it be in someone else or in ourselves. Our expectations can be “too high” unreasonable or unrealistic. No one is perfect nor can they be in this crazy world.
Sometimes we expect more from a person than they are able to give..at a particular time. Sometimes we expect a person to do more than they are capable of doing, or to be more than they are capable of being. Therefore we are the ones who wind up getting frustrated, angry, hurt, impatient and disapointed. We are the ones effected by our own actions. We are the ones who set ourselves up for disapointments.
Sometimes our approach can be critical, overbearing and destructive. Even when we simply suggest something or give an opinion it does’nt go over well. It can be viewed as an attack on ones charactor even tho that was not the intention. This should never be taken personally because we all have things we are trying to cope with from our past and present situations and we shut down.
Even when we simply try to point something out to someone they can go into the defend mode, protective mode because they are not ready to deal with “the problem” yet. They are still battling with it therefore they are consumed by it and it has power over their well being. Everyone needs to be comfortable in their own skin. Like no body states in one of my comments below..it must be the right message, from the right source, at the right time, by the right person (edified properly) or it will not be received in the way it was intended to be received. Otherwise it can be misinterpreted.
Our expectations, opinions and suggestions can sometimes be veiwed as attacks on self worth and competency. Therefore conflict, separation and alienation occures and the door is shut on communication. Then our relationships are compromised. I watched Charles Stanley‘s program last Sunday and he ministered on how “Words” can have a profound, everlasting effect on us and our well being, our growth and our lives. They can have a tremendous effect and sometimes we say things we later regret.
No one can live up to anyone’s” standards. It’s not that what everyone is doing is right or that we don’t have a big heart in wanting whats best for them, it’s just that our expectations may be overwelming.
A lot of people feel like failures because they can’t live up to the expectations they put on themselves or that others put on them. We can make others feel like failures because of our expections being “To high”> Expecting too much. Too much attention can be put on expectations and not on acheivements/accomplishments.” via Expectations.
Thinking I have rights as a husband leads me to expectations and the expectations lead to disappointment and frustration. Somehow, focusing on being friends with my wife is making a radical difference in my life and happiness has come from leaving ‘right’ behind…
I heard Dr. Phil say “would you rather be happy or right”. I choose happy and as for right? It really doesn’t exist according to Nietszche and only leads to sad for me. What do you think about this?
- The Right Way … (menschenerleben.wordpress.com)